Toothbrush

I will definitely bring a toothbrush to college. Medical science tells us that “clean teeth and fresh breath increase a person’s chances of experiencing a minty sensation by nearly 200%.” (Paest 36) I am no expert, but the numbers seem convincing. Toothbrushes are especially useful for people sticking to a diet, as “these people cannot obtain the mint flavor through the usual medium, [ice cream].” (Denchur 72) The toothbrush can also be used to scrub glue off the diet so that people are no longer forced to stick to it.

I have never been stuck to a diet, and so the reason I will bring a toothbrush to college is: “the toothbrush’s many impractical applications.” (Bristel 22) The chief impractical applications of the toothbrush include:

• Cleaning small crevices in your bars of gold
• Propping open a door or something
• Putting it in a cup right next to your roommate’s toothbrush and leaning it over so that it is nearly, but not quite, so close that his toothbrush will “almost certainly” brush against yours when he tries to use it (“it” referring to his, not yours, of course) (Kupp 64)
• Cleaning plaque off your teeth (needs citation)

You may be surprised to hear that I am bringing a toothbrush to college, and ask, “Where will you put it?” Do not fear; there is need neither to become despondent nor to weep silently. I will simply drill holes in the handle of the toothbrush so that it takes up less space”.” (Erthudontistte 39)

Originally written in response to the prompt, “What is one thing you will definitely bring to college with you?” The author later learned that the prompt was intended to be informal, and the attached bibliography was largely unnecessary.